The stressor in which I chose to talk about is violence. I chose this topic because I have had to live with violence. A lot of my older cousins were gang members and sold drugs. My mother worked two jobs and so did my Aunts so we stayed at our grandparents house majority of the time. I was exposed to a lot. I saw gang fights and drugs being cooked up and sold.
My father was absent and my brother's father soon passed. My mother ended up re-marrying and that presented us with an abusive stepfather. He never touched me or my brother but the physical and emotional abuse my mother endured really took a toll on me and my brother. He was three years older than me so he moved out at the age of 18.
It took me longer, I didn’t move out until the age of 24.
I was working and making money but I refused to leave my mom until I just couldn’t deal with it anymore. I took refuge in sports but I couldn't play to my full potential because of the restless nights and the constant worry about the health and safety of my mom. I wasn't very social in high school and didn't have many friends although people treated me as if I was popular. I was very smart, dressed nicely, and was a gifted athlete. Many people said that I had pro potential in the sports that I played which were football and basketball.
Those things made me who I am today both good and bad.
I am still not very social but I love my wife and kids and cherish them like they are gold.
I read this article which discussed violent men in Germany.
I don’t know why I chose it but I did.
Those men are forcibly removed from their homes if they are abusive to their partners. I wish that were the case when I was coming up, but since our home was in both my mother’s and stepmother’s name, he could not be removed. I also learned that 2 women a week are killed because of domestic violence in Germany.
That is so sad, I feel that if you have to abuse a woman than you don’t need her and should let her go.
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Hi Terrance,
ReplyDeleteI am sorryt that you had to live with violence. I can imagine that was very miserable for you and your family; even though you had to live with violence you was a real trooper, you were able to get involved in sports even though you was worried about your mom. I think that it is wonderful that in Germany violent men are forced from their homes because no one deserves to be abused verbally or physically. There are so many people living in abuse relationships who are afraid to speak out; sometimes it results in tradgedy. I hope that one day that I can also be an advocate for children living in violence.
Hello Terrance,
ReplyDeleteI can not sit here and say that I know how you feel because luckily, I never had to witness abuse in my home. I have to say that I commend you for hanging in there with your mother trying to ensure that she was safe. I know that violence in the home is a horrible feeling. I posted about my aunt who lost her life from violence in the home.
I agree that it is very sad that a man has to put his hands on a woman to prove that he has power. In my opinion, power is knowing when to walk away from a situation and getting down on your knees asking your believer for strength to continue to be a real man.
I commend you for being that real man for your wife and kids. So many times I hear people say that a person is going to treat people the way they saw them treated out of hurt. I say, if you were hurt by the way a person was treated, you will do everything in your power to ensure you never bring that type of hurt to someone.
Germany is much like the military. One thing that I can say about the military, if they are aware that a spouse is getting mistreated or abused they will step in. However, the abused spouse has to be willing to do what it take from that point.
My aunt's husband was a soldier. They kept him away from her several times but she was the one that decided to stay around and forgive him. They say love hurts. I am a witness that love can kill. Abused women have to be strong and take the necessary steps that can possibly save their life.
Continue to be a strong, devoted, loving father and husband to your family. If it means anything, I am so proud of you!
Hi Terrance:
ReplyDeleteKudos to you! You are more than a conqueror! And I commend you for staying home as long as you did. I know that had to be hard...
2 women a week???? No way...I believe men who constantly abuse women are weak. They can't beat a real man so they try to make themselves feel better by taking advantage of the weak. Not cool at all...great post!
Terrance: I know that you are blessed, you and your family from your words of wisdom and your passion, you know sometimes it takes us to go through things to make us a better person. I was once that person of abuse, and it wasn’t nice, all I can say is that I made it through, the Lord Jesus Christ was there and he saw me through. God Bless you and your family. Moreover, thanks for always sharing your words of wisdom.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.cassandra-cassandraperry.blogspot.com
Good thing you are better than the man that you were around Thank God for that. Just continue to raise your children and be the husband and father to your family and keep trusting in God that was good of you and manly to stay around with your mom.
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